To live not for mere existencebut in hopes to Thrive
Happyheidio
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Name: Heidi
Gender: Female


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Member Since: 11/23/2001
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Tuesday, December 08, 2009

And so my email read that I am dumb

."... This whole diatribe aside, you are dumb.  We all live in a world full of risk and sometimes we have to be the other dumb and take the risks.  I am the other dumb.  We'll call it "dumb 2."  I am dumb 2 because I risk getting hurt by being with you, hanging out with you, laughing with you, enjoying your company, and investing emotions in you.  I like being dumb 2 around you.  I don't like the possible pain from being dumb 2 however, I do feel that the risk of being dumb 2 is worth it.  Naturally dumb 1 people attract dumb 2 people and vice versa.  Opposites do attract at the molecular level.  Also, dumb 1 people and dumb 2 people balance each other out.  That is just the nature of things.  Dumb 1 people drive dumb 2 people crazy and vice versa (this is a good crazy though).  I don't think being dumb together is a dumb thing to do.  Combining two dumbs equals a smart..."

 

I find this so nerdy, funny and sweet altogether. As moving as he is and the things that he says, I did not want to budge on my decision of not wanting a relationship. He calls me dumb but I feel like this has been one of the few wisest decisions I have ever made.


Saturday, December 05, 2009

The battle of my ounce of belief

I heard about this guy that was taken out of church by the cops. He was supposedly making inappropriate comments that sexually harrassed men and women. Other remarks about him were that he was creepy and always staying close to the proximity of groups of young women with what seemed like with ill-intentions.

The senior pastor of the church walked over to him with his usual friendly smile and asked, "Can I talk with you for a minute?" The man screamed at the pastor, "Get the f*ck away from me." In reply the pastor calmy and sternly said, "I have spoken to your father and your father tells me that if you do not cooperate then I can call the cops." The man still verbally retaliated, "Then call the cops!"

Since there was no "harm" per say, the cops couldn't do anything but to place a restraining order on him to never come to the premises of that church and be escorted off the property.

I have met many people with some kind of neurotic disorder while working as an intern at the Seattle Municpal Court. Most of the people were homeless. Some but not all had some association with alcohol and drugs. I worked in the same area as other social workers that dealt with these people all the time. After this one gentlement that clearly was belligerent and had some kind of psychological or neurotic disorder left our office, I asked one of the social workers, "Doesn't he just need more love in his life?" The social worker said, "No. No matter how much love you give him, he'll never be able to understand or interpret it. He has an illness... He is very manipulative and if he doesn't get what he wants, he gets very angry. If he comes here again, you need to call the sherriffs. (Who were right below us)." 

I believed the social worker. I believed him. I believed that these people have illnesses. Serious illnesses. Serious illnesses require serious and special attention. I get it. These illnesses that have no cure and require professional services all their life makes me believe that there is no hope for them to be normal.

A part of me wants to believe that God can and will heal these people, including the guy that was dragged out of the church by the cops. I'll be honest. I don't pray for them because I'm at a conflict for the hope of love that can heal them vs the realism that once you fall off the deep end, you're gone. I can believe in all goodness and greatness of healing for anything and everything, but I've seen and have experienced so much of the serious realism of these neurotic disorders that there just can't be a hope for them.

However, what deludes me though is, the guy that was dragged out of the church by the cops was a pastor's son. So maybe, it is a spiritual battle after all...
So maybe, it is all a spiritual battle after all...


Friday, November 27, 2009

Holidays mean for family time.

Days like today, I miss Peaches.


Friday, November 20, 2009

11/20/09 John Piper - Nov. 15, 2009 Sermon

(John 6:22-29)

You won’t be driven by upward mobility, or big pay, or positions of power, or lust for weekends, or passion for retirement. Because every day Jesus will be with—in your boat. He will be a feast for you when everything else fails.

And you will have before you not the fragile hope for a few years of aged retirement, but the absolute certainty of the everlasting cabin by the lake with Jesus. And you won’t be too old to enjoy it. You’ll be young forever. And the everlasting ocean cruise with Jesus. And the everlasting evening by the fire with a good book and Jesus. And the fact that you don’t need to have that now—because you know you will have it forever—changes everything.

In summary:

  • God put his seal on Jesus, the Son of Man, as the Mediator of eternal life.
  • Jesus offers himself to us freely as the food that endures to eternal life and no amount of working for God can make you see him as a feast. He is free. He did the work on the cross. All we can do is eat, that is, believe, and live.
  • And when we eat, two things change: a new chapter is added to our lives, eternity. And a new Treasure dominates our heart, Jesus. And that changes everything.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

And there goes number 10.

I don't know how other people do it. Do people not feel any remorse for cheapening their body, mind, and spirit?

I'm still trying to put it all together as to what I'm feeling.

I'm afraid I am not feeling right now. I do not feel remorse... or even feel anything of the matter.

This battle I'm having to make myself feel again. I long for those days when I was in China, where and when I was closest to Him. I remember, when I was closest to Him I felt everything...



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